Catherine adds: “The negative bias is really strong in your relationships as well. One study showed that we need five positive experiences in a relationship to outweigh one negative experience. So, bear that in mind. If you have a big argument, try and make the next day a bit better.” Celebrate your ‘done’ lists To elaborate; the title is very misleading. This book should be titled “the joys of using hindsight after becoming sober “

The thing stopping you? Keeping you single? Standards. Free will. It's really important to remember that single is a choice; you're not a put-upon victim who can't get a date." Next time someone asks me why I am single, I will be answering with, "Standards! Free will!"

Our brains are naturally negative

She talks about how to re-engage in social situations and compares her sober-self with her previous self- these include weddings, work drinks, birthdays and the dreaded romantic dates. She provides her take on strategies that have worked for her, but also other strategies that would work for others. This year Tanner released her novel Reader, I Married Me, loosely based on her experiences of sologamy. “It’s an anti-romcom, where the character embraces the power of being on her own,” she says. Although she believes romantic love can bring happiness, Tanner maintains that having a positive relationship with yourself is more important. “It feels like there are more couples who are settling than those who are truly compatible. People could surprise themselves by realising how happy they could be on their own.” First of all, well done to the author for her sobriety and courage to pen and publish this memoir. Its popularity will hopefully make people notice that as a society we have a problem with alcohol. I don’t think any drugs require encouragement or advertising and it’s sad that people don’t realize that alcohol can be addictive.

Most of life is workaday, humdrum and pedestrian. So why not embrace the joy of the ordinary? We've got nothing to lose. My problem with the book is the timeline is a bit confusing. There is part where I couldn’t remember if certain years were pre sober or after sober time. She spends way too much time in this comparing every aspect of her life. Maybe it’s something I don’t really notice on my own sobriety. But I found it quite annoying how she was taking basic daily responsibilities to normal events and comparing how she felt before sobriety to how she feels being in those same situations now sober.The author has a few good points: that it can be a nightmare to have to explain to people why you don’t drink as if you told them you replaced food with the energy of the Sun or something, that alcohol is overrated and that you really can live without it and also that once you have a problem it’s really worth it to quit. Having a secret single freak-out? Feeling the red, heart-shaped urgency intensify as the years roll on by? Oh hi! You’re in the right place. In The Unexpected Joy of Being Single, author Catherine Gray is single and happy at the end of her story. She even realizes that she would still be happy if she stayed single for the rest of her life. For someone with her inauspicious beginnings, that joyful perspective on singlehood was totally unexpected.

Over half of Brits aged 25-44 are now single. It's become the norm to remain solo until much later in life, given the average marriage ages of 35 (women) and 38 (men). Many of us are choosing never to marry at all. Ever sworn off alcohol for a month and found yourself drinking by the 7th? Think there's 'no point' in just one drink? Welcome! There are millions of us. 64% of Brits want to drink less. My second problem with this book is that she is speaking from a place of privilege. She was well off before she got sober and is still well off after she got sober. So it was hard for me to relate to her because I don’t have the kind of money or safety net she has. So sometimes reading memoirs like this it’s hard to connect to author when they are basically bragging about expensive vacations, living in other countries, and being able to keep all of things they had before while getting sober. Shout out to her mum and step dad as it showed having the family support is a huge factor in recovery.Instead of the jargon common of self-help books marketed at women, and their inane sets of rules to avoid a lifetime alone, Gray employs her own terminology (see: man-attracting; single sorrow; oneomania). Unfortunately, what she has not managed to avoid is sprinkling clichés throughout. But then, society’s obsession with romance is fundamentally clichéd. At least Gray is self-aware. A culture shift is overdue Most of us are living average, normal lives. We have these flashes of extraordinary moments but they don't last very long... most of [life] is workaday and a bit humdrum and pedestrian. So why not embrace the joy of the ordinary? We've got nothing to lose.” Being thankful for the little things can be life-changing A brilliant, honest, well-written guide to the positive aspects of being single drawing on the author's own life experiences and observations. The author pinpoints the many advantages of being single whilst offering her guidance on navigating the pitfalls. I found her suggested approach to dating particularly relevant and helpful.