A cement mixer collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.” – Peter Kay

Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. I was involved in very organised crime.” – Milton JonesShe sleeps at night. 9. You spot a boat full of people but there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible? January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. • 4,291,043 menders19 12. I met some chess players in the hotel lobby. They were bragging about how good they were… If a monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree, who will get the banana first?

It didn’t because roosters don’t lay eggs. 89. What has a head and a tail, but does not have a body? No time at all because the wall was already built. 71. If there is a bowl of five apples and you took away three, how many do you have? Dinner time comes and they all sit down and open their sandwiches that their wives had prepared for them. Good morning, Mother Sister. I mean Mother Superior. Really sorry to bother you, but could you help us settle an argument?” An anchor. 93. Which English word holds the same pronunciation even if you take away four out of its five letters?

Neither one because the accountant was his sister. 82. Uncle Ray’s farm had a terrible storm hit and now all but seven sheep were killed. How many sheep are left alive? No, but he’s also dead so that’s impossible. 75. If Mrs. Smith’s one-story house is entirely decorated in pink (pink walls, furniture, carpet, etc.), what color are the stairs? How to watch Love Island Games in the UK: As the spin-off to the popular dating show lands, UK viewers need to know how to view it. Breath. 31. Two mothers and two daughters went out to eat, everyone ate one slice of pizza, yet only three slices were eaten. How’s that possible? Your brain. 35. A man was outside taking a walk when it started to rain. The man didn’t have an umbrella and he wasn’t wearing a hat or a hood. His clothes got soaked, yet not a single hair on his head got wet. How could this be?

In their house they found 500 cans of assorted food, 100kg of pasta, 75kg of rice, 200 toilet rolls and 30L of hand sanitiser which he had panic bought from Tesco “just in case!” My wife – it’s difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore.” – Milton Jones He is bald. 78. If an electric train is moving north at 100 mph and a wind is blowing west at 10 mph, which way does the smoke blow? and, as they argued amongst themselves, they kept throwing looks her way. After some time, one of them separated from the group to approach her. It was Doc.

Things to do Edinburgh: 10 animal experiences in Edinburgh, from alpaca walking to cat cafe to Edinburgh Zoo I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.'” – Tim Vine She fell off the bottom rung. 7. What starts with “e” and ends with “e” but only has one letter in it?

The thing with most dad jokes, is that you’ve heard them all before. Thousands of times. From your own dad.What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? “Thanks! I’ll never part with it!” I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.” – Tim Vine Bookkeeper 104. There are eight men sitting on a couch. Three legs break off and six men leave. How many legs are remaining? The baby, since he is a little Bigger. 91. A man lives on the 100th floor of an apartment building. On rainy days, he rides the elevator all the way up. However, on sunny days, he only goes up halfway and then takes the stairs the rest of the way. Why is this? porichoygupto Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer (Photo: Unsplash) 13. I started a band called 999 megabytes…